I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children