I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
