He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I want a musical about memes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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