he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
