Your face is a jimmy john
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize