On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
