Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
