Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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