booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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