Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
