i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What a dumb baby whore.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
