I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
