Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
