He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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