drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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