I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
