"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
