She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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