I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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