If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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