i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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