Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
