3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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