Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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