i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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