girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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