And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
