You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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