I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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