now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
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Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
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I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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