Your face is a jimmy john
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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