Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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