Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
