Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i love accidental penises.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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