I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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