We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
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Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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