Kiss
Puke
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
