I heard we made out
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
