I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
don't judge my taste in strippers
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
