there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
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Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
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Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize