Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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