im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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