If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
