I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
