do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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