I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize