im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
