You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
