i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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