I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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