Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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