good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
