its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
