I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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