i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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