I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
