I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
