After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
