I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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