i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
