well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
