if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
