i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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