She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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