You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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