What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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