I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
