Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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